


The Relief

by nimrodcracker



Series: i'll sleep with the stars tonight [7]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Farewell Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-20 00:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8229980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimrodcracker/pseuds/nimrodcracker
Summary: Shepard spends the moments before the final charge collecting some thoughts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> _will you miss me when i'm gone?_   
>  _i am the storm that never leaves_

Forward Operating Base, London.  
November 11th, 2186.  
Monday, 20:37h.

 _For indeed, with hardship will be ease. Indeed, with hardship will be ease._  (94:5-6)

I am going to die.

My fingers are twitching. I felt it when the batarians burnt the farmhouse. I felt it when the thresher maw shot out from the flatlands of Akuze.

Now, I feel it.

The sky over London is stormy, riddled with hovering Reapers and Cannibals hurtling towards Earth. Just last year, it was clear. Deep blue. Like her armour.

And I am going to die.

God, I'm terrified.

Not of leaving. Not of death. Not even of indoctrination.

No.

I'm terrified of what might _not_  happen.  
  
I run myself ragged holding the galaxy together. I throw myself between the Reapers and the galaxy. And I'm on the cusp of being crushed from the pressure.

I see soldiers gun down indoctrinated comrades. I see children cradling their dead parents. I see relatives searching for non-existent bodies in rubble.

All this suffering has to mean something.

It has to.

And it's up to me.

Is this how the dying spend their time? Drawing out the minutes. Savouring the seconds. Waxing philosophical to give meaning to senselessness.

I won't survive this. We're going in blind; too many mission unknowns. We don't even know if firing the Crucible will destroy the Citadel in the process.

Destroy us.

Destroy me.

The galaxy constantly demands the impossible from me, but I ask for nothing in return. Have never, because a soldier requires nothing.

Now, I only want one. One gift for my birthday, for all the birthdays I refused to celebrate. I just want the Reapers dead, even if it means my death, because they've taken enough.

I regret nothing. Nothing else is more fitting than trading myself for the lives of trillions.

I only regret this. My one mistake.

Ash, I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

I thought we had more time.

I'm sorry.

But I chose you. I choose you. And will _always_  choose you.

That is why I must go.

* * *

_Ashley, you might want to see this. It was forwarded to the Broker network, somehow._

_\- Liara._

 

**Author's Note:**

> _will you miss me when i'm gone?_   
>  _[i bring the weather with me](https://youtu.be/xCXyN09DT9o) _


End file.
